Day 132

Thanksgiving was a free for all for me. Unfortunately it also landed in the same week as a birthday and drinking ensued there so i gained a little bit of my weight back. It's been a struggle sticking to my daily calories but i think it's because i'm not cooking as much as i should. Ive been indulging in prepackaged salads and chipotle veggie burritos! while it is delicious and i can stay on my diet with it, it would be more beneficial to eat cooked meals i prepare! not only will i get more nutritious food then, ill also get to eat more of it! and who doesn't want to eat more? hehe

Today i took it upon myself to do some research. as i've recently seen some candid images of myself and thinking i looked downright normal in weight, i decided to investigate the actual differences between size. My good friend liane has the goal to be a size 2, which she is close to achieving! But that goal all together always baffled me. Who's to say you look best at a certain size? Why obtain to be a certain size when you should simply attain to be a certain healthy weight!
Today i learned that my BMI will be in the "healthy"zone when my weight is between 120lbs-150lbs. That of course is just a ball park according to a website but it surprised me to see that at my height, 5'6, being any less than 120lbs would make me underweight! To be honest, i always grew up thinking that was the weight i needed to be, but now that i see that information, i feel relieved i only have 50lbs to go in order to be "normal"!
We make ourselves freak out so much every time we go up a size or rejoice when we go down one, but in reality, that one size is about 10lbs and when you're a bigger person, 10lbs is nothing! To a smaller person in a healthy weight range, fluctuating between 10lbs is probably way to much, but when you're bigger it seems to be the norm. I personally fluctuate around 5lbs on average.
Another thing that surprised me was the difference between weight and measurements!
Now according to the scale i'm currently 200lbs (thanks thanksgiving for the extra 4lbs!) and my measurements look something like this: 36 bust - 33 waist - 44 hips
According to the internets average size charts in the US, a size 8 has the measurements of 36 bust - 28 waist - 38 hips
Of course my weight distribution is much different than mosts, i have a heavier hip region than most, but it astonishes me that my upper body measurements are so close to what i believe is a "healthy" size, and my weight is 200lbs.
I'm beginning to think the difference between sizes is a complete waste of energy. Your "size" doesn't define you by any means! I currently entertain the pants size of about a 16. My shirt size is L-XL. I plan to lose more weight to become healthier, but in all honesty, if i had to stay this size for the rest of my life, i wouldn't mind it one bit! It's not the size that determines how i look! Sometimes its not even the weight! The measurements can speak volumes to how you actually look.
In the mirror i still think i'm 20 pounds heavier. Which is odd because i used to think i looked like i weighed less. Even though i can clearly see i've dropped weight, i also have a hard time recognizing how much. I still focus on the things i need to work on more so than the things i have accomplished. Pictures tell a different story though. While i used to hide from video cameras and detest my candid pictures, i now use them to see myself in a new light.
Being a healthy weight will be good, but i'll find it interesting to see what my measurements will look like at around 150lbs if they look so close to normal at my current weight. Perhaps when i finally reach 150lbs, i'll feel good enough to not force myself to lose too much more. Let's hope i can find that contentment.

I hope this thought process of mine helps you look at things a little differently and possibly makes you think twice about size vs measurements/health. I also hope it helps you look at yourself in different ways so you don't let the mirror be your only guide! It's deceiving!

I'll post new before and afters when i hit 190lbs. I should get back to my 196 weight quickly if i stay strong so expect those images before the year is up!

Happy Holidays!
Lady C